Disappearance Page 6

  As the last few minutes of daylight shine through, I decide to sleep on the sofa. Who knows what Mrs. Big Panties and Mr. Flannel like to do in their bed.

  My thoughts turn to tomorrow. Will I wake up and find everything back to normal? If so, I'm definitely taking a sick day. I'm not planning on this so I work on my strategy assuming nobody will be around. I'll take the food, bottled water, gas tank, and shovel and make my way home... hoping I don't run into Cujo along the way. I have enough food and water to keep me alive for at least a few weeks, but I don't have much gas to get me very far. Where would I go anyway? I suppose I could take off and drive in one direction as far as it will take me until I find someone. With three-quarters of a tank in Abby's car and the few gallons left in my neighbor's gas tank, that should get me around three hundred miles, provided I don't drive like a maniac again. I'm sure I could find someone to help me in that distance.

  I don't think about it anymore because tomorrow, when I wake up, I'm confident I'll find somebody to talk to. It's too unrealistic that everyone took off and left without me; someone must have stayed.

  With these thoughts in mind, I drift my attention to Abby. I wonder where she at this exact moment. What is she doing right now? I hope she's safe, even though I'm sure she's a nervous wreck without me. I wish there was some way to tell her I'm OK, that I'm smart enough to figure this thing out and find her. All I want right now is for her to be here with me. None of this would matter if she were here.

  It's moments like these, with no distractions, that you have time to think about what's really important in life. In my life, it's most certainly Abby. "I love you sweetie, and I miss you," I say out loud to myself hoping that by some miracle she can hear me.

  Chapter 8

  As one might expect, I tossed and turned all night. A combination of having a lot on my mind, being worried the owners might somehow come home, and sleeping in a new environment is the perfect recipe for a poor night's sleep. I lay awake for hours just thinking about how strange and crazy these past twenty-four hours have been. This type of thing just doesn't happen to a normal person like me and I can't grasp what is going on or why.

  When I get up I think about how good a shower would feel. This is something I haven't even thought of yet, but unless I start using my bottled water to bathe I'm going to be a real smelly mess soon. I haven't showered since the night before last, when I thought I would be giving a big presentation. How entirely false that turned out to be.

  What other things am I forgetting that could pose real problems later? With no modes of communication, I won't be able to file my taxes! It's actually comforting to know that even if everyone on Earth has disappeared, the IRS will still come after me when my taxes go unpaid in April.

  For now, as long as I have food, water, and shelter, I can survive until I get this figured out or until someone comes and finds me.

  Based on all of last night's thinking, I've decided to make a trip to the local department store for supplies after I make it home. The store will no doubt be locked, but fortunately I now have a shovel to use as a key to get in. I'll stock up on as much food and water as I can today, so I can leave this town first thing tomorrow.

  Throughout the night, I came up with some great ideas I hadn't thought of before. First, I found a solution to the no-gas-station situation. If I pick up a gas siphon pump, I can find a car on my drive to wherever I'm going and steal the remaining gas that's left in that car. Cars have been around everywhere I go, so all I need to do is find one when I'm getting a little low. I've never actually siphoned gas before, but I can't imagine it could be hard. Insert tube into both cars, and then do some sort of pumping action until you get the gas out of the other car and into yours. I remember when stealing gas was a huge problem in my high school years. Gas prices were out of control and climbing all the way to - wait for it – three dollars a gallon! Today, people would be dancing in the streets if prices dropped that low. It's amazing how everyone thinks and acts the same way as everyone else. If other people are freaking out about three dollars a gallon for gas, they all stock up on siphons.

  Second, I stock up on all the food and bottled water here before I leave. Mrs. Big Panties has loads of cereal and water but everything else needs to be cooked. I figure I should add some variety to my food choices when I get to the store. I can make peanut butter sandwiches while the bread is still fresh. I can also snack on nuts and potato chips.

  Third, I figure I better pick up some protection that's better than a shovel in case I have another Cujo attack or there's a huge zombie outbreak. And speaking of zombies, I know it sounds stupid but I remember hearing about a book that was called Zombie Survival Guide. I think it was meant to be a joke but it gives a serious account of what you should do if there's a zombie outbreak. Since my situation is similar to that, it might have some good tips regarding food and shelter. At the very least it would give me some entertainment in a no TV or Wi-Fi connection world.

  After my morning bowl of cereal, I put my bowl in the dishwasher. Sure, I've smashed through this family's window with a shovel, stolen things, and slept on their couch but that doesn't mean I should lose my manners.

  I consider leaving some money on their table. I've never bought a window before but I bet they're expensive. Then I remember how cheap I am, and also that I may run into a human being later whom I need to bribe with cash. Sorry Mrs. Big Panties, pay for your own damn window. Insurance will cover it.

  I begin stuffing every last cereal box and bottle of water I can into their over-sized suitcase and head out the back door. I place the gas tank on top of the suitcase and roll it. This frees up my other hand to carry my shovel and use it as a weapon against Cujo if he intrudes.

  Now I'm ready and I open the backyard fence door. I look around the corner, expecting to see my little furry friend but don't. Once I see he's not there I take off in a light run. I go as fast as one possibly can while dragging a suitcase with a gas tank on top and holding a shovel. It doesn't take long before I get winded. Yesterday, when I first started running, I didn't have a dog chasing me, so I stopped to rest. Today, there's no dog yet but I know he's close - I can feel it. No matter how much pain I'm in, I'm not stopping until I make it home.

  As I look around, it still seems deserted. I try to remember if any of the cars have moved or if anything else looks different. Nothing does, but I decide I don't remember much because I was preoccupied with saving my life. I take a brief look behind me -- still no signs of anything chasing me.

  I only have a couple blocks to go. I'm starting to feel the stitch in my side but I ignore it. I can picture Cujo in my head chasing me; he smells my fear. I have a shovel now so I at least have a fighting chance, but it's a fight I'd rather avoid.

  One block to go. I can see my street sign in the short distance. I might make it! I don't look back anymore for fear of what I might see.

  I turn onto my street, which gives me a shot of adrenaline. I'm at a full sprint now. I've never wanted to be home so much in my entire life. The stitch in my side feels like it's ready to burst open but I ignore it.

  Just as I'm about to enter into my driveway the gas tank topples over, knocking the cap off in the process and spilling gas all over the sidewalk. I grab the tank as fast as I can, trying to save every last ounce of gas.

  I pull up the garage door and drag my belongings into the garage. Then, making one last look back, fully expecting to see Cujo staring at me, I see nothing. Just an empty, quiet street. I pull the garage door down, loving every bit of the pitch-black darkness that ensues. I am safe once again.

  I lie on the couch for what has to be a half hour trying to catch my breath. I've never felt more like an unhealthy, lazy piece of shit then I do now. Someone my age should not be huffing and puffing like this after such a short amount of exercise. Fortunately, nobody is here to witness it, so at least I still have my dignity. I wouldn't even want Abby to see me in this state after jogging less than a mile.

  Nevert
heless, I'm thankful I didn't see Cujo again. A battle with him would most likely have been a battle to the death. As much as I understand it would be in self-defense, I still can't imagine myself killing a dog with a shovel. It's so barbaric, so evil - even if Cujo is a crazed lunatic of a dog. I imagine myself taking one big swing at him and hearing a poor little whimper as it connects. I'm filled with regret just thinking about it.

  After I catch my breath, I'm tempted to take a nap. I slept poorly last night and it takes everything I can just to stand up. I must get to the department store though. I've learned over the years that when something really needs to get done it's best to get it over with as soon as possible. I once waited months to get my wisdom teeth remove because I hated the idea of having surgery. My teeth were rotted black! When I finally got the surgery I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner.

  I make my way to the garage and pull the door up. I almost forget my car is still at the grocery store and I get to drive Abby's car.

  As I pull into the department store parking lot, it's still hard for me to get used to the lack of cars around. You never fully understand how large a parking lot is until you see it completely empty.

  I pull up right next to the sliding glass doors. I've come a long way in twenty-four hours; yesterday I wouldn't even park in a handicap spot. I try the doors to see if they swing open, and when they don't I waste no time getting the shovel out of the trunk. Batter up! I get into my best baseball swing stance, ready to unleash my full force into the glass door. I take a side step forward and swing with all of the effort I can muster. The swing lets out all my frustration the last day has caused me. There's a thud but not the sound of glass being broken that I was expecting. "Damn it," this is some strong glass; I barely made a scratch. I take another swing but get equal results. I take a swing at the other side of the door but it's made from the same heavy-duty material.

  Well this is not what I was planning for! What am I supposed to do now? I thought this would be the easy part, with walking around in a dark, smelly department store being the difficult part. I'm left thinking of other options to get in.

  I really don't want to be stuck in this town eating nothing but cereal and leftover peanut butter forever. I have to find a way to get in. I look over at Abby's car and an idea strikes me. Just like they do in the movies, I'll slam through the front entrance with the car. This idea sounds nuts and I remind myself this isn't a movie. It will destroy the car. If it was my car I wouldn't care but this is Abby's very nice - and very expensive to insure, by the way - black BMW. Knowing my luck I wouldn't break the door and instead cause a self-inflicted head-on collision, destroying the car - and my neck - in the process.

  I contemplate the pros and cons and decide that crashing the car through the door is my only option. This is absolute craziness, but I always say desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm usually kidding when I say this right before I'm about to do something really stupid, and this would fall under one of those occasions. Another one of my favorite sayings, "you only live life once," gives me the motivation I need to get started.

  I get in the car and buckle up, safety first. Thinking as rationally as possible, I decide to back into the door as opposed to a full, head-on crash. My thinking is, with the impact, if I hit the door going forward and stop abruptly, my head will go forward and get whiplash. But if I back into it, my head will just hit the back of the seat. Also, I prefer the idea of causing massive damage to the back of the car instead of the front. Maybe that's because the engine is in the front, and I want to eliminate any chance of the car blowing up. Causing damage to the back of the car will also be much easier to ignore while I'm driving. I've got enough on my mind, and driving with my front windshield gone isn't something else I want to deal with now.

  I start the engine and I decide to do a test run at a low speed to see if that will be enough damage. After all, there's no reason to go crazy and cause massive destruction if you don't have to.

  Starting from only about five yards away I ease on the gas and slowly back my way into the door. I hear a loud crash, which sounds like the back of my car being destroyed. My heart rate starts to pick up. What a stupid idea! I've probably just inflicted thousands of dollars in damage to Abby's car. I'm sure there's a loophole my car insurance company can find about attempted break-ins.

  I move the car up to assess the damages. When I get out, I'm surprised to see the sliding glass door has been smashed all the way through. The frame of the door is severely bent, but the glass has shattered enough for me to at least make an entrance. Before I assess the car's damage, I close my eyes and take a deep breathe. "No matter what, it was worth it. I have no other choice," I tell myself. I walk over and see the middle of the trunk is smashed upward, although only by a few inches and it's impossible for me to notice while driving. It's something I would definitely get repaired, but, all things considered, I'm pleased with how little damage there is.

  I take my shovel and jab out the remaining glass. I go back to the car to grab my flashlight and then make my way inside.

  It's dark, but there's still some light coming in through the front door. A flashlight though makes the job a lot easier.

  I go through my list of things I want to get: batteries for the flashlight, gas jugs, a gas siphon, an ax, guns and ammo, a car map, lots of peanut butter, lots of cereal, lots of bottled water, and any other food I see that's edible at room temperature.

  I grab a shopping cart and go through the empty isles. As always, I head down the non-food isles first and start by grabbing a gas tank. I debate whether I should grab another, then I realize, at the price of free, I might as well err on the side of caution and grab one more. Next to the gas tanks are gas siphons. I grab a couple of those as well (just in case one gets dirty).

  Next is the hunting area. I've never actually walked through here before, but it doesn't take long before I realize they don't sell guns. They have all the hunting accessories you could possibly imagine but no guns. This is disappointing news. I try to recall any gun stores nearby but can't think of any.

  As I walk around the rest of the hunting area I do notice they have BB and pellet guns. It wasn't what I was hoping for, but it will have to do. I know nothing about these guns except that pellet guns are more powerful than BB guns. They have three different versions, so I grab the one with the biggest box. Fortunately, it looks like there's only one type of pellet ammo, so at least I won't worry about getting the wrong type.

  Next on my list is an ax, which I have no clue where to find. After walking down several aisles for about fifteen minutes, I do locate one. There's only one choice, and it's not the big burly ax I was imagining for serious destruction. It's small with the blade not much farther than the handle. Again though, it's better than nothing.

  Even though I've never actually read a map before, I figure I should pick one up. My entire driving life has consisted of printing off Mapquest directions, then graduating to GPS devices. I've never had the need to take out a map and plot how to get to my destination before. Working with a map seems so primitive; I can't imagine how difficult life was before the Internet. Millions of arguments must have been saved on family vacations by a little gadget telling you step-by-step how to get there.

  When I get to the maps section, I'm amazed at how many there are. Since I'm not paying today, I grab any and every map I think I might possibly need.

  Now it's food and drink time. I go back to the front and grab another cart, making sure to start with several twenty-four-pack cases of bottled water.

  The next aisle is for cereal. I get excited and grab all the healthy, organic stuff I always think about trying but never do. Before I know it, I have about fifteen to twenty bags of various kinds of cereal stuffed in my cart, seeing this makes my mouth water. I wonder why I'm so hungry and then realize I haven't had much to eat in the past twenty-four hours.

  I go down the bread aisle and am pleased to see there are still some loaves that don't expire for a
nother week. I also grab a couple jars of peanut butter, which are high in calories -- exactly what I need for my no-cooking diet.

  I also grab a few other things I hadn't thought of, like bananas and other various fruits and head toward the front of the store. I find it a bit amusing that I have an entire store of free stuff and this is all I take with me.

  I take my cart to the car and then decide I can do better than this. I recheck my list and see I forgot batteries, so I make sure to grab those. I also remember I wanted to look for that zombie book but don't find it, so I pick up a few other books for entertainment.

  I see some warm blankets that may come in handy and also grab a warm jacket and some clothes.

  In my second trip through the food aisle, I grab a few boxes of chips, crackers, and all that other bad stuff you're not supposed to eat. I figure it's better to eat bad stuff than nothing at all. I also stock up on a ton of mixed nuts. Why didn't I think of this before? They're healthy and filling.

  Other than that, I can't think of anything else I could possibly need or want for the trip. Sure, if the electricity worked I would go hog-wild on the electronics section. But, considering big screen TVs and other electronic gizmos are useless right now I don't bother; my thoughts are only geared toward survival.

  I start cramming all the stuff in the car and wonder how this weight is going to affect my fuel mileage. Food and water trumps getting a few more miles in the car though.

  The entire backseat and trunk are filled with stuff. I leave the front passenger seat available for easy access to weapons in case of a zombie attack. I wouldn't want a massive group of zombies coming towards me, ready to eat my brains when my pellet gun is stuck in the trunk.

  Just as I'm closing my dismantled trunk - which still works despite being dinged up - is when I see it. Actually, I hear it before I actually see it. It's a car. A black car driving down the road!